First, I’d like to say that the title to this blog is absolutely, 100% true!!
Mark actually refuses to go to rehab with me because he feels, in his words – “too shy having me witness him go through his therapy while I go through my own”…

Okay, here is the deal:

Mark had a level 2 fusion of his lower spine a month ago. In layman terms, he had two artificial disks put in, with his own stem cells and they are fusing the disks together like in marriage, until death he does in-fact part. Not something you go into without seriously thinking it over. The benefits… The Risks… Do you want to be joined forever?…

He is undergoing physical therapy because of this and will be doing so for some time. I’m happy to report that he is thankfully doing better than ever. We are really glad he went through with it.

4 days after he got home from the hospital, he decided that “we” need to clean the pool. Now, we have a professional guy come out once a week to do this task, but he felt “we” needed to go out and take things into our own hands. 4 days after coming home from ICU, he could barely walk, get out of a chair much less clean a pool. So, the “we” meant – him sitting in the cabana with the ceiling fan going and the TV on, while I brushed the pool in the sweltering heat and got the areas that he noticed I was missing… I was surprised he could notice much at all with that much Vicodin going through his veins. My guess was that he really needed to feel like he was being productive, so I was determined to be patient and was just happy he felt like going outside.

30 mins before our professional Pool guy showed up and CAUGHT us in the act of doing HIS JOB, I missed a step while brushing the bottom of the pool and fell from the upper deck of our pool, to the lower deck. The force of hitting the pool step was so strong that it broke my sandal and sprained my foot, as I carreaned off the ledge; my knee then slid along the rock coping leaving a large apple sized contusion-slash-scrape on my knee; I then landed on my back shoulder with such force that pain pierced me immediately to the core and then finished off the “falling event” with a knot on the back of my head behind my ear. Thankfully, my head hit the grass and not the patio. All areas affected – were on the right side of my body.

Mark did not see the trauma event happen because he was watching TV, but he did hear it and came shuffling slowly over, asking me if I needed help. Now, he cannot pick up anything heavier than a gallon of milk for at least 6 weeks. The offer was sweet, but we both knew I was on my own. It was one of those falls in which you don’t get up right away. You check out extremities one at a time to make sure that they won’t go “compound fracture” on you if you stand up. I limped to the kitchen, got a large cold gel pack and another give away cold pack that said (ahem) “Botox” on it, limped back to the cabana and rested during which time the Pool Guy shows up.

Mark and I had considered letting him and his services go, as we felt we could do this on our own easy enough. But, now we embrace him and his services 100% and are so glad when we catch him in our backyard. Happily writing our monthly check to him putting a smiley face and a big “THANK YOU!” in the “memo” section.

2 weeks pass, I was resting my shoulder et.al., taking Advil, not doing my P90x2 and all was going well until I vacuumed the house this last Monday. My shoulder went back to square one so badly that Mark offered and I actually illegally and happily – took one of his Vicodin and made an appointment to see our family’s shoulder and knee Orthopedic surgeon, ASAP. Yes, our family has one. If you remember, we had 2 daughters in soccer for 15+ years???? I rushed to see him and he prescribed physical therapy and prescription strength nsaids.

I came home to tell Mark that thankfully there were no breaks. I had worried as I sheepishly came into the Orthopedist’s office that they would end up talking about “that late 40s female wack-a-do patient who came in with a combination neck and shoulder fracture 2 weeks post injury” during their next office meeting.

Anyway, I casually asked Mark when he had his PT scheduled and where, as I thought I’d just do my neck and shoulder rehab at the same time as he does his back PT. I thought maybe we could “bond over a mutual activity”, something that has helped throughout our marriage – a series of mutual activities that we can discuss, talk about, explore, because if we don’t – I end up reading book after book while he watches Rangers games and Fishing shows… Anyway, to my surprise Mark vehemently said “not only no but HELL NO!” When I asked (shocked) what the big deal was, he said he was too shy and didn’t want me to see him go through it all.

I could sort of see the masculine guy not wanting his wife seeing him labor through the pain, whereas ironically she was more than happy to demand he watch her very painful labor and deliver—— a story another blog. But, the truth is I bet he was thinking and 100% correct that as he was working with his own physical therapist, he would have a nagging wife clear across the PT room on a machine yelling at him to “stand up straighter – you are doing it wrong!!!!” Followed by comments at home of “I overheard your PT saying you should or shouldn’t be doing this.” LOL!!

And can’t say that I don’t blame him for putting up a boundary as it would in-fact maybe hurt our marriage for me to go there……

Not to worry, I myself am doing fine today. In fact, my sister Nadine is about to get here to squire me off to an area resort for spa and pool time, leaving Mark to fend for himself for a few days. I should be cleaning up but instead I am happily procrastinating on the computer doing this…