Saying Goodbye to Your College Freshman Child

college-move-in-day1When both our daughters went off to college each for the first time, it was made easier because they were so excited and eager to launch from the nest.  They were making pretty good life decisions, as far as we knew.  🙂  We worked to give them lots of “opportunities to show trust and responsibility”.  You can ask them and they will tell you that I would say that I wanted “to give them enough rope to grow and learn but not so much that they could hang themselves”.

I’m not going to say their leaving wasn’t hard, because it was.   With both of them, the first few weeks after they left home were okay, it felt like they were just off to summer camp.  No big deal.  It was around that 6th week for both of them that I would find myself saying, “This isn’t fun anymore…This is starting to feel long….” and I’d go to their respective room, lay on their bed and let myself cry.

The best advice I ever received on saying that final goodbye, came from a gentleman that I used to go with to see Broadway shows in Dallas.  He was a choir director for our parish and Mark was all too happy for Kevin to be my date for the night for that type of entertainment.  One night, over dinner Kevin and I talked about my youngest daughter leaving soon for College.  He offered this: “Don’t say your goodbyes at the dorm.  And, if you can – try not to tear up too much.”  The reason he offered this was because of the trauma he had felt when his Mom and Aunt left him at college.  In the weeks leading up to the drop off they talked of how excited they were for him and how much fun he was going to have and it is going to all be amazing.  Only to find them, leaving him in the front yard of his dorm crying uncontrollably.  It totally caught him off guard and made him think “wait a minute!”.  Should I be worried or upset?  Where did this come from?  Is this going to be okay???

Mark and I planned a dinner out the night or so before we were to take Madison off to college.  We invited a couple of her close friends to come with us to her favorite Sushi restaurant, Ra.  During dinner,  Mark and I toasted her… told her how very proud we were for her… and admitted to her that our hearts were breaking a little at seeing her leave — I teared up, which gave us all the opportunity for well-meaning hugs all around…

The next day, we packed up 2 SUVs of college stuff and moved her into the dorm.  People were everywhere, moving in hectic and the day was sweltering.  In the end, we were all hot, sweaty and exhausted from all the back and forth to the cars and the dorm room set up.  I can still see her on that entry porch to the dorm looking through us as we gave her a last hug before leaving.  She was distracted, to say the least and had a sort of fish out of water, what now kind of look…

There was no way  on the steps of that dorm, that we could have said and she herself in-turn absorbed the really meaningful goodbyes, words of encouragement, love, and yes even the sadness if we hadn’t listened to Kevin’s advice…

A Polish Texan Explained…

Panna Maria, TexasWe Polish-Americans who are the very direct descendants of the First Polish Immigrants to come to the US are a proud bunch. People are surprised to hear that in 1854 the 1st Polish people to come to America to STAY came to Panna Maria, TEXAS and not Chicago or any other Yankee place…

Here is a short cheat sheet on us and our customs.

Follow me, if you can on this first and for most to help you distinguish — Texas Poles from Yankee Poles:
If you are a Texas Pole, when you first meet a Yankee Pole – they will try to impress you by saying that they just “loved the Pierogi’s that their Grandma used to make for them in Chicago”.   In response, you just nod and smile, because you have no idea WHAT that is…
You, in turn, will try to impress them by telling them that you used to date one of Bishop Yanta’s nephews – In response, they too just nod and smile, because they have no idea WHO that is…

Your knowledge of the Polish language is limited to
– One greeting – Jak się masz?
– Some Naughty words – ex. dupa, maupa dupa
– A Naughty phrase – Jak sie vieshe
– Counting up to 5: Yeddin, Vah, Shre, Steady, Pienche
– A Drinking toast – Nastrovia!

You know how to dance ALL of the following: the Two-Step, Waltz, Polka, Cotton Eyed Joe, and the Schottish.

Your Wedding had the following elements:

  • Your Wedding Mass had to be held on a Saturday after 3:00 or all your guests would be mad because it didn’t count for Sunday
  • You had to invite everyone within the entire county so as to not offend anyone.  Weddings are up upwards to 1000 people, but could be held at only $7 a person total.
  • You had your wedding reception in a Parish Dance Hall
  • Your Bridal Party sold shots to your guests to make money for you and kept count by passing out ribbons or stickers for guests to place on their lapel or dress. (sometimes while in full view of the sheriff dept. security)
  • You knew to stay away from the flirtier older guys if they had more than 3 ribbons/stickers on their clothes.
  • You sold shots as a wedding party person and you drank more shots that others paid for you to drink than you’ve ever drank in your life.
  • Your relatives extorted money from your guests for you by singing the folk song – ‘Dietche Dietche’  (Translated: “Diaper, Diaper” – A Polish Folk Song complete with metal aluminum stock pot and ceramic plate for lid to shake in all your guests ‘personal space’)
  • You served good BBQ Brisquette and Sausage with all the fixin’s buffet style
  • You knew the wedding dance was about to start because your male guests started moving tables out-of-the-way and started sweeping sawdust around the dance floor
  • You started your wedding dance with the ‘Grand March’
  • Your main beverage came in kegs and you floated several of them

Your Mom wants at least one of her kids to NOT get married but become a priest or nun.

Your Mom may have yelled at you for dressing rather immodestly by saying: “You are NOT dressed like the Blessed Virgin Mary!!!!”.  Hahahaha!  This rather catty Polish girl used to say behind her back: “Yea, but Mary wore a light blue burkah.  That doesn’t fit the times!”

When you told your Grandma that you were dating someone, the first two things she asked in this order were: “Is he Polish?” and “Is he Catholic?”

You own at least one shot-gun and it’s mainly for dove hunting and you fish in “Tanks”.  Ponds are in story books.

Your older relatives have a strong devotion to the Saints, the Blessed Virgin, the Pope (meaning the REAL one – John Paul II), and the Democratic Party.

Your Grandma has a shrine somewhere in her house complete with votive candles, Holy Water, a Rosary, Prayer Cards, Novenas, Scapula and at least one of the following forms of art- “The Sacred Heart of Jesus” picture with eyes that follow you around the room, “Our Lady of Czestochowa”, “Our Lady of Fatima” or the “Infant of Prague” .

Insight: My Mom used to bring the Infant of Prague home once a year to clean it.  She didn’t know this, but when she went to the grocery store, we’d feel the need to take its crown off, touch its embroidered coat and wish we could pick it up and play with it without going an extra few months into purgatory.  We never picked it up, at least I didn’t.

There is also a picture of the REAL Pope (JPII) – somewhere in the house.  *Bonus: I touched his grave in the Vatican crypt this last month.  Was wonderful.

You collect “prayer cards” from funerals and Priest ordinations and from a priest who goes the extra mile (like my BFF does) having them available at Reconciliation (aka Confession) Services.

Your parents have at least one Crucifix with the Corpus on it mounted on a wall in their house with palms tucked behind it.

Your church’s main fundraiser each year is a Parish Picnic or a Turkey Shoot.

The word kielbasa means something to you. And you’ve bought wedding ring kielbasa.

Buying store-bought generic sausage is beneath you. Your favorite brands are either Pollacks’s or Wiatrek’s.

The names Kosciusko, Moczygemba, Dworaczyk, Dzuik, et.al.- roll off your tongue quite easily. *You would NEVER pronounce Kusciusko -‘Kahs – E – ahs-kO” as Oprah calls it…

You aren’t fully sure of the entire story behind the founding of the U.S., but you know the WHOLE STORY of the very FAMOUS Polish migration to the U.S. on Dec. 24, 1854 and…

Fr. Leopold Moczygemba is your founding Father.  The Germans in New Braunsfels, TX were flourishing, so he hoped to do the same for his own kindred.

Your ancestors did not merely come to the US in a straight shot across the Atlantic to gain entry via Ellis Island in NY.

Your initial families came via a 60+ day sailboat ride in steerage to Galveston, TX.  Then rented carts and/or walked 158 miles to Indianola, TX. to gain entry into the US.  Then, embarked on another 108 MILES north to their new home in Panna Maria.

Our Moses…

You may have never been to Poland, but if you do decide to visit, you know to go with the great travel guide Fr. Frank Kurzaj to ensure the royal treatment while there.

Now with the Eagle Ford oil boom, Dads no longer dream for their daughters to marry Ivy-leaguers, they want them to marry Janyseks. 🙂

Each Year, We Empty Nester Moms Get Our Kids Off to College and Fly the Coop — This year to Central Europe

Several years ago, a long-time friend of mine, Kathleen and I decided to start taking Girls Trips together each September, after we drop our kids off at their cIMG_2451ollege(s).   We’ve been friends for 22+ years.  Our husbands worked together, we both had our last babies at the same time  – would sit on the phone for hours and talk about Oprah’s latest topics – our latest explorations into whatever fad/topic of the day from Andrew Weil’s holistic medicine approach to whatever Psychobabble Guru of the Day was selling and would delve into our wounded inner-child(ren) at length… We have one of those easy friendships that just picks up quite easily no matter how much time has passed.  A real gift and blessing.

2 years ago, another oil field wife and also a long-time friend, Stephanie joined us for a trip to England, as her baby girl went off to Baylor and the trip was a great distraction from her trepidation over the milestone.  We skipped last year for financial reasons on my part.  Mark and I had put in a pool, cabana and backyard flower beds in our blank canvass of a backyard and needless to say it dried up any available  funds for travel.

This year, we went on a Viking River Cruise through Central Europe – the name of the cruise was “Romantic Danube”.   It wouldn’t have been my first pick but my friend Kathleen, a gypsy-free-spirit has travelled the globe, and this area was new to her.

After it was all said and done, I highly suggest going on a Viking River Cruise.  You get spoiled, pampered and spoon-fed your vacation and the history of the places you visit.   It is intimate with 150 or so guests.  The food is great and when you aren’t touring a castle, church or hamlet, you enjoy literally watching the beautiful world go by as the boat putters to your next destination.    Viking plans to expand to even the Mississippi River and when they do, I’m going to book for sure.

Turns out, these river cruisDSC00073es started out just in the 1990s and one can tell that they have been a great boon for the local towns’ economies that they visit.  For example, I would have made plans to visit Vienna maybe, but never to visit small but richly important towns like Melk, Regensburg and the like.  I’m hoping the same for the US towns along the Mississippi if Viking pans out here in the US.  It will be interesting to see what happens…

We went through 42 locks going down the Danube.  According to Wikipedia, A lock is a device for raising and lowering boats between stretches of water of different levels on river and canal waterways.  Most of the locks we went through I slept right through, but passengers spoke of the loud noises they made.   Pretty extrodinary to experience, but I would maybe inquire how many locks you would have to endure for whatever cruise destination you are considering if they are a bother and keep you up.

Trip/Town Notes – I’ll start with this:Business Class Fun!

Our British Airways’ Luck

I was dreading the trip because I don’t like having to fly cooped up in a small space for so long.  I was miserable on our flight to England two years ago and had planned to knock myself out with sleep meds.  Kathleen reminded me that I’m in the car for hours when I drive home, what’s the difference.  She had a good point there, but…  Well, we got to the Houston airport early to see if we could upgrade to Business class at a discounted price.  It was still pricey, but so worth it!   We could get pampered even in the airline’s private Lounge at the airport and on the plane we were able to stretched out and just relax for the 10 hour flight.  In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have upgraded, because I don’t ever want to fly economy again!

Our College Big-time Move-In Stress-Out!!!!! So thankful it happened…

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Taken on the Sunday that we moved Madison to her OU Sorority House.

Madison’s dream was to attend engineering school at Mark’s alma mater, Texas A&M. Alas, she was turned down because she was not in the top 10% of her rather large high school’s graduating class (she was at 13% with non-stop highly competitive soccer level 24/7) and the engineering school is the first to fill up. Very hard to get into. So, she opted to attend the same school her big sister attended and had a great experience while at the University of Oklahoma. OU is a Greek school, so Madison joined a sorority, something she would not typically do and decided to just try and reapply to A&M the next year.

She was doing well at OU, so well that a prof told her she didn’t make sense, as she was: Blonde, In a Sorority, Had Social skills and Charm – yet she rocked Physics like nobody’s business. I congratulated her but also cautiously advised her not to go to his office if he asks her to come over because he wants to “discuss a paper”. LOL!

As soon as she could, at the beginning of her Freshmen Spring semester, she applied to Texas A&M……………………………CRICKETS……………………….Not a word or letter for weeks………………………she made multiple phone calls and got lost in the maze of “call centers” over and over again………………..Not even a rejection letter…………………….. She was clearly heart broken, but resigned to stay at OU.

In mid August, we moved her into her Sorority House on a Saturday so she could work to get ready for Rush as all Sophomore sorority students are required to do (to help recruit freshman candidates for the new year). Now, we received not one negative word from her, her entire Freshman year at OU, but within 1 or 2 days of working Rush – I received several whiney phone calls from her at her sorority house:

“MOM! They are making me bounce and clap!!!!!!”

“MOM! They are making me smile all the time and practice engaging in conversation with strangers!!!!!”

and the ultimate desperation call:

“MOM!!!! THEY ARE MAKING ME DO CHEERS AND SING!!!!!!!!!!” Hahahaha!!

Needless to say, Madison is not “that girl” which isn’t surprising, she is more of a pragmatic person. Not one to giggle, gossip, preen and pose. My heart broke for her. I told her she could certainly quit, but she said she would get through that one week of Rush as best she could and try to get the back kitchen assignments that most girls would hate. 🙂

That Monday, I was doing bills and a “Texas A&M Engineering School” magazine came in for my husband Mark, a Petroleum Engineer. It broke my heart to see the magazine come in and brag about how great Texas A&M’s Engineering schools were – blah, blah, blah…. Whatever. 😦

I found the editor’s name of the Engineering magazine and while I was at it, the editor of alumni magazine, as well. I told them about the situation and ask that they take us off their mailing list until further notice because right now it just hurt to much to see it all… I did tell them about Madison’s situation in a straightforward, proactive way and basically said: “You have a rare ‘FEMALE’ Mechanical Engineering Major who has a high GPA, is already at a Junior level because of all her hard work and is already on the radar for an internship with a major coorporation yet NOT ONE WORD – NOT EVEN A REJECTION LETTER from you. It’s your loss, you clearly don’t deserve her.”

Within in 24 hours, Madison received a phone call from Texas A&M apologizing for the mix up and asking if would she mind attending Texas A&M after all. They even humbly talked to me and admitted that their was a disconnect on their side (at the time) to work in transfer students. A sign for any good person or organization I think, to admit when they make mistakes and work to improve.

So, we went back 3 days after moving her into OU and moved her out! The sorority sisters were all so sweet to her and even helped her move out. They were probably secretly glad that the “SORORITY GLEE BUZZ KILLER” was going away before Rush hit. Hahaha! I can’t help but get this image of Wednesday Addams from the Addam’s Farmily working Rush – which Madison is clearly not like, but you get my drift. Gotta laugh looking back on it all!

Ok Timeline – Review:

Sunday – Move in to OU – (5 hours round trip)

Monday/Tuesday early – Whiney Phone Calls regarding bouncing and cheering

Tuesday Afternoon – A&M calls Madison on her Cell Phone

Wednesday – Move out of OU – (5 hours round trip)

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Taken 7 days later on move-in day at Texas A&M

Thursday – Travel (3 1/3 hours one-way) to Texas A&M to: Meet with the registrars office —– Find an apartment that needed a roomate—– Get her a schedule worked out even though the classes were all full (they just worked her as best they could) —– Get her Books and supplies —– all in 1 to 2 days time Because school starts THE FOLLOWING MONDAY!!

The Next Weekend – 2 SUVS packed yet again to the max to re-boot the move-in (6 hours round trip)

What did I learn from this? Needless to say it was rather stressful, but it was a positive stressor. I was so happy for her that she was getting her dream. So thankful I wasn’t working a full-time job anymore and could help her navigate through it all as calmly as we could. Yes, this may all be last minute and messy, but it will all get done. It always does.

The registrars were so nice and apologetic on the phone with us that we brought them a “Calming Care Package” with soothing lotions, candles, etc. and acknowledged to them that we realize that they really have a lot on their plates. One of the ladies even offered to be Madison’s Mom Mentor at Texas A&M should she need any help or advice. 🙂

Taken during the great Let's Get This All Done Day!

Taken on the Hectic – Let’s go get this all done day!

Now her 5th year Senior year, the rest is history. Madison ’til this day says she is so glad I was a Momma Bear on this one and butted in.

And, I did email the editors. I thanked them for helping out even though that was not my intention and asked them to put us back on their mailing lists.

Two Easy Financial Tips to Help You and Your College Child Budget Day-to-Day Expenses

college moneyLooking back on that Freshman year in College of our two daughters, there are 2 things that I’m really glad we did:

1st – Get them a Personal Checking Account when they turn 16 and are still in High School:

College kids already have so much to transition into besides having to learn a crash course in money management. I witnessed this first hand with a sister struggling to learn how to budget her money in the first few months of college and the un-needed and added stress it brought on her and my parents. Also, I offer this as food for thought: Imagine the stress if you never knew what your paycheck was going or wasn’t going to be each month…. the added stress on what decision to make or not make not knowing what would or would not come in — Add onto that —- Stressful last-minute phone/email/text conversations asking for money — and you as a parent having to make an unexpected, surprise quick run to the bank or computer transfer…

We sat down with each of our daughters when they turned 16 during their Sophomore year of high school. We had a calm discussion about what they felt they spent on average throughout an entire year (holidays included) going out with friends to movies, gas, clothes, you name it. We’d come up with an amount and then we placed a set amount in their checking account on auto-pay on the 1st and 15th of each month. The amount was not generous, but it was adequate. During this time, we taught them how a debit card works, how to balance a checkbook, etc.

doc martenOur oldest daughter (now age 29) ended up buying a pair of Doc Martens with her very first allowance when she was 16 and found herself asking me for money to go to the movies the following weekend. Saying sorry and not giving her more money was hard to do, but it was important that she learn. Needless to say, she never did that again.

As time and grades would allow, the girls both started working a fun job that they liked to earn extra money. Over time, they became proud to say that they actually paid for Mom/Dad’s gift themselves or were able to buy a few more of those designer jeans or whatever because they contributed to the ability to do so and the satisfaction that comes with it.

2nd – Get them a Personal Savings Account at age 16 and in High School:

With our youngest daughter, we immediately also set up for her to transfer $25 from her own checking into her own regular savings account on the 1st and the 15th of each month via auto-transfer. It may not seem like much but, $650 a year add ups for anyone much less a teenage. We told her not to spend it as if you dip into savings too much, the bank will make you pay a penalty. She didn’t touch it until late in her Freshman year of college when she need a deposit ASAP for her new apartment that she was moving into and she needed use it to bridge until our transfer to her checking account came through. She did put the money back into the account after we reimbursed her.

The summer before her Freshman year, and subsequent summers after, she worked at the Buckle and would put extra money away in her savings. During the Holidays, Buckle would call her to ask if she could help out again and textover time, she just automatically, on her own would put money away for Spring Break fun, etc.

The Fall of her Sophomore year in College, she proudly told us not to worry about buying her college books and supplies anymore, as she was able to do that herself. She has paid for her books for all of her Sophomore, Junior, Senior and now Super Senior year.

This summer as a 5th year Senior she got a summer internship in her industry. She found herself earning $32 an hour in her full-time job, summer internship as a Mechanical Engineer. She was astounded at how much money she was bringing in on her own and approached us to just stop her allowance completely, as she had this easily on her own for the rest of the entire Sept. to May school year.

I’m not saying that they were perfect angels at money management, but I feel that doing this did help alleviate some of the stress of what we needed to put aside each month for them to handle the day to days of school and what they needed to work within as best they can…

Hope this helps.

Our Divorce Court proceedings would now go like this: “Your Honor, I present to you, ‘The Great Magazine Fight of 2012′”

About a year or two after Madison went off to college, Mark and I found that we had pretty much moved into a comfortable Sunday morning routine:  I read the Dallas Morning News pretty much cover to cover, except for the Business and Sport sections.  While, the latter mentioned sections are all Mark cares to scan.  And then, when quickly done, he watches all the Fishing shows that he has accumulated throughout the week.  The background noise on the fishing shows on Sunday mornings is so in-grained into this routine that when it is not there now, something feels out of place.

One Sunday morning stands out, because of a surprise knock down, drag out that occurred:

First let me say, Mark and I do get snippy with each other.  Who doesn’t?  However, after 30 years of marriage – for the most part we’ve pretty much settled down, grown up, given up or are just don’t have the energy to care passionately about the things we use to – so when a real fight happens with raised voices.  Wow – it must have been rather serious. 

The background on this spat: I’m a devout People Magazine reader and can’t wait for the magazine to show up in my mailbox every Friday.  I’ve been reading it for years, which accounts for why I cannot answer basic trivia questions like, “Who was the president during the Civil War?”, but can tell you what shoes Duchess Kate was wearing while she delivered the future King of England, recently.

The answer: “The LK Bennet Sledge Shoe in color – Nude”… (Okay, don’t really know what Kate wore, but that is her go-to shoe for major events.)

Mark on the other hand reads B.A.S.S. Master, of course and the occasional AAOP Flight  magazine.  When he became an empty nester, he got his pilot’s license and his whole goal now while flying with me is to “not allow the bitch to come out” because of some surprising manevour he does that I am not anticipating (another story for another day).

On a recent Sunday morning, Mark came reeling into the breakfast area from the garage with a Pilot magazine rolled up and clutched in his hand yelling, “WHY is THIS in the recycling bin?!?!?!?!”  Rather surprised, I answered, “Well, because I’ve seen that particular magazine sit on the coffee table for few weeks without being read.  So, when I cleaned house this week, I tossed a few of those out and when this new one came in, I just tossed it, too.  Why?”

“Do I ever throw your People Magazines away?!?!”

“Of course not, but you know I read them.  I don’t’ see you reading yours!”

“Do me a favor, don’t throw away any more of my Pilot magazines without asking, okay?!?!”…

“Oh-Kaaay…” (insert eye roll here)

I finished my Sunday newspaper ritual, walked to the recycling bin in the garage to dispose of it and I’ll give you one guess as to what I found on the very top in the recycling bin?

You guessed it, My Own CURRENT issue of PEOPLE MAGAZINE!  Hahahahahah!  I couldn’t help but march into the living room with said People Magazine and laugh my butt off with Mark in a fake fight about it all at that point…

You gotta laugh… but don’t tell the judge….

Don’t Judge a Bird Feeder Until You Try It…

 
Finch Feeder with Dove on the right perched in the tree.

After 4 years of waiting patiently for financial reasons, we started doing improvements to our 1 acre blank-Finch Feeder with Dove on the right perched in the tree.  slate of a back yard last Spring.  We will be doing improvements in phases based on a professional Master plan we commissioned by a great landscaping company here in Dallas.   Last year, we started with Phase 1, which was a pool, cabana and flower beds along the back of our house.  All improvements will be in keeping with our French County home’s theme.  One nice thing that we noticed immediately when Phase 1 was all done in the late summer last year was how nature started just showing up right away and it was nice to see.  Bumblebees, Dragonflies, Hummingbirds, Butterflies and more…  We felt like our backyard was finally coming to life.

For Phase 2, this Spring we put in a privacy hedge of Magnolia trees behind our back pool wall and a bed to the east of our pool for the same reason.  There we planted 2-100 gallon Live Oak trees, a Nellie Steven’s hedge, flowers, etc.  I say we, but the landscaper did it all.

Then, I got the crazy idea of getting bird feeders for the first time ever in our 30 year marriage………

I’d never considered doing this before because we were always too busy carting around our girls to soccer games and practices 7 days a week for years.  To add bird feeders to the mix would have been totally out in left field or rather mid-field in soccer terms.  I have to also admit that I also considered people to do this as an only for retiree sort of thing… mostly you know — for old men in black knee socks and generic white tennis shoes.  You catch me??  If someone talked to me about having birds, I would nod in interest at what they were doing and make nice comments like, “How fun! Good for you, isn’t nature fun to watch?”  But, the truth was, I just didn’t get it.

When I told Mark of my plans, he rolled his eyes big time.  Then proceeded to warn me that he was worried that I will be my normal self, start something, get really excited and then let it fall to the wayside over time as I lost interest.  But, this time he said I would be leaving dependent, dead birds in my ADHD tracks like the various houseplants inside and outside my house through the years.  He reminded me that I had put self-watering house plants on my “NOT To-do list”……………  However, not to be dissuaded, I left on a drizzling Saturday morning to a local wild bird store.  I asked Mark if he wanted to go, but he yet again rolled his eyes and said “No Thanks”…

I drove 30 miles into downtown Dallas, walked into the bird store, marched right up to the counter and in my usual hyper-manic mode when I get a new idea – announced to the employee that “I am here, know nothing about birds but am ready to start!!!!!”  In my mind, I had expected a “Welcome!  So glad you came!  Let me ‘take you under my wing’ and get you started little lady!”  Instead, what I got was a quiet gentleman who wouldn’t look me in the eye and would only answer in “yes” and “no”(s).  I probably scared the hell out of him and/or thought to myself that maybe he was the 50+ year old “special needs” son who was just watching the store while Mommy was gone.

So, I walked the store on my own.  I’d come upon something and ask him about it.  He’d plod over answer my question, quite well I must add and then go back to the counter.  Bless his heart.  An hour or so later, another employee showed up and they were exactly what I needed.  Someone to notice the word “SUCKER” written across my forehead!!!  Sooo, 2 hours and almost $400 later, I left with a large birdhouse looking feeder with suet cages on both sides and a 7’ metal stand, extra refrigerated suet that I now keep in our beer fridge (Mark thinks it’s a riot and is worried one of Madison’s college friends will eat it mistaking the suet for I don’t know what…), 2 hummingbird feeders with decorative red metal umbrellas over them (because they were cute), a bag of “fancy” local, native bird seed, a hummingbird nectar water bottle to also keep in my beer fridge, 2 birding books of Texas and North Texas and they just threw in a finch feeder for free.  Something I found out later will be a money suck to get me back in the store…  But, read on… 🙂

I hurried home and had Mark help me set everything up in the drizzling rain.  He was still not impressed but was nice enough to help.  Then I waited………  Nothing for a week.  I emailed a birding friend (retired) 🙂 and they said to be patient, “like a good restaurant the word has to get out”.  The next weekend, we went to my nieces wedding. When we came back that Sunday, I ran to the backyard to finally see my FIRST bird, a Red Cardinal!!!  I was so excited and would later find out that they are a rather nervous bird, so to see that first was surprising.

I put my birding books in a reusable grocery store bag that I now call my Bird Bag and asked Mark if I could barrow a set of his hunting binoculars.  He led me to a cheap set and I ran out to the cabana to “watch”.  (The cabana is on the other side of the yard from the feeders) And, they all flew off.  Which continued to happened every time I went outside to watch… I seriously was expecting to find a note on our back door from the bird community’s lawyer placing a restraining order from us using our back yard indefinitely as “we make them too nervous and they now had ‘squatters rights’ under Texas law”.

Sure enough, over time they did get use to me………. But, the turning point came a week or so later for this Empty Nester Couple.  I was out enjoying the birds one evening and out walks Mark with hos own pair of $1000 Zeiss hunting binoculars.  Before, I knew it he was sitting their next to me daily.  Soon, we’d both find ourselves looking through our own scopes and arguing over what species we were trying to identify!  We downloaded a $14 Audubon App on our iPads to identify and track them with other birders in the area… We watched a Mockingbird couple make a nest in one of our new Magnolia trees.  I’ve decided I like the Mockingbird Male because he does everything 50/50 with the wife raising the kids.  But, Mark and I really like the Brown Headed Cowbird Couple best because they just lay their eggs in other birds’ nests and go about their jet setting life.  LOL!

It got even more surreal one evening when Mark came home from work.  He rushed into the house from the garage and said, “D’Ann, come here!  You got to see this!!  Get your binoculars!!!!”… At his leading, we both quietly walked out our back door, crept around the corner of our house and saw a couple.  A very different “species” that were quite big and looked out of place in not only our yard, but our area on the Black Prairie of North Texas.  It was dusk and hard to see, but Mark was standing there in his dress clothes, with binoculars on point, animatedly whispering loudly, “I don’t know what they are, but they have to be a water fowl of some sort just coming through!  Would you look at that!”

The only thing missing was our long, black knee socks and generic white tennis shoes.  But what wasn’t missing was, we finally really understood all the hoopla.   🙂

An Empty Nester Reality Check – Mark Get’s His 1st Surgery

Mark’s Back Surgery — 1 Week Update: He is doing great!  Several have called, texted, FB(ed), etc.., so to put your mind(s) at ease here are some answers to general questions that may be going through your head(s):

1)      Is he bedridden?  Answer: We brought a recliner down from the Media room and he hangs out there during the day.  He is quite comfortable in it.

  • Outcome: He has found that he better be nice to me or I won’t come and remove his food tray and he’s stuck there — although, he did threaten that he can and will remove it on his own and it won’t be pretty.

2)      Can he walk?   Answer: Yes, he is getting up on his own at will and is now up to 2 – 18 minute strolls a day in our neighborhood. (working on concentrating to keep his back straight, shoulders back)

  • Outcome: I’m doing the posture/walking with him and we both look like total snobs as we walk.

3)      How was his Father’s Day?   Answer: So/So, He was sure glad to be home, but I bought him a shower chair and a grabber for his Father’s Day gift.

  • Outcome: He went and fetched the paper today with his old man grabber proclaiming he’s not embarrassed and was quite proud!

4)      Is he in pain?  Answer: For the first time in years, there is no pain shooting down his legs or hips.  He is on Vicodin but less and less.

  • Outcome: Overdid it a little yesterday but recognized it on his own and is committed to watching himself and his full recovery.  Also, I wanted to spike his coffee this morning with a muscle relaxant because he tends to be “chatty Kathy” in the morning and I am not… especially on a week day while he is normally at work.

5)      What is he doing with his time?  Answer: Watching Fishing Shows, BBQ shows, Fishing shows, Western movies, Fishing Shows, Action movies, Fishing Shows, Sports Events, Fishing Shows…….And also: Job emails, Fishing Shows, Calling Co-workers, Fishing Shows….And also: Reading the Texas Aggie Message board, Fishing Shows, Sporting Magazines, Fishing Shows, etc….

  • Outcome: He now wants to buy an $85,000 – 24 ft. Yellowfin Fishing boat, because he “can do so much with it”.  And, I found that I can get sucked into watching a Bass tournament — when the theme is Bass fishermen dealing with sudden horrendous currents from huge amounts of water being dumped for power at a power plant dam.  Notice — I like to watch the fishermen in crisis vs their fishing?  ***Which is what will happen if he just shows up with a 24′ Yellowfin in our driveway.  Which he has done before – a very long time ago with his BFF Don.  A story for another day…

6)      When will he go back to work?  Answer: His follow up is next week and it depends on him.  At first, he plans to go in for a few hours while I shop and run errands.

  • Possible Outcome: He told me this morning that he is worried that I will outspend per hour his work income per hour while there, especially since I have to go to a jeweler and pick up his watch.  Ok: I admit that I have a tendency to positively reinforce myself monetarily for being a good girl at times… Signed: Mark’s oh so great NURSE!