Category Archives: Parenting

Saying Goodbye to Your College Freshman Child

college-move-in-day1When both our daughters went off to college each for the first time, it was made easier because they were so excited and eager to launch from the nest.  They were making pretty good life decisions, as far as we knew.  🙂  We worked to give them lots of “opportunities to show trust and responsibility”.  You can ask them and they will tell you that I would say that I wanted “to give them enough rope to grow and learn but not so much that they could hang themselves”.

I’m not going to say their leaving wasn’t hard, because it was.   With both of them, the first few weeks after they left home were okay, it felt like they were just off to summer camp.  No big deal.  It was around that 6th week for both of them that I would find myself saying, “This isn’t fun anymore…This is starting to feel long….” and I’d go to their respective room, lay on their bed and let myself cry.

The best advice I ever received on saying that final goodbye, came from a gentleman that I used to go with to see Broadway shows in Dallas.  He was a choir director for our parish and Mark was all too happy for Kevin to be my date for the night for that type of entertainment.  One night, over dinner Kevin and I talked about my youngest daughter leaving soon for College.  He offered this: “Don’t say your goodbyes at the dorm.  And, if you can – try not to tear up too much.”  The reason he offered this was because of the trauma he had felt when his Mom and Aunt left him at college.  In the weeks leading up to the drop off they talked of how excited they were for him and how much fun he was going to have and it is going to all be amazing.  Only to find them, leaving him in the front yard of his dorm crying uncontrollably.  It totally caught him off guard and made him think “wait a minute!”.  Should I be worried or upset?  Where did this come from?  Is this going to be okay???

Mark and I planned a dinner out the night or so before we were to take Madison off to college.  We invited a couple of her close friends to come with us to her favorite Sushi restaurant, Ra.  During dinner,  Mark and I toasted her… told her how very proud we were for her… and admitted to her that our hearts were breaking a little at seeing her leave — I teared up, which gave us all the opportunity for well-meaning hugs all around…

The next day, we packed up 2 SUVs of college stuff and moved her into the dorm.  People were everywhere, moving in hectic and the day was sweltering.  In the end, we were all hot, sweaty and exhausted from all the back and forth to the cars and the dorm room set up.  I can still see her on that entry porch to the dorm looking through us as we gave her a last hug before leaving.  She was distracted, to say the least and had a sort of fish out of water, what now kind of look…

There was no way  on the steps of that dorm, that we could have said and she herself in-turn absorbed the really meaningful goodbyes, words of encouragement, love, and yes even the sadness if we hadn’t listened to Kevin’s advice…

Our Monkeys…

I’d like to formally introduce Lucky and Nicco – my Christmas Monkeys. monkey

After many years of traveling world wide and performing in their popular Christmas Minstrel Show, they retired in Dallas 10 years ago to live with our family via Z Gallerie. They enjoy scaring children that come to our house (mainly our youngest daughter Maddie …)

During the off season when Christmas is over, they live in an undisclosed metropolitan area where they funnel money through their old world cuisine restaurant…

Our College Big-time Move-In Stress-Out!!!!! So thankful it happened…

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Taken on the Sunday that we moved Madison to her OU Sorority House.

Madison’s dream was to attend engineering school at Mark’s alma mater, Texas A&M. Alas, she was turned down because she was not in the top 10% of her rather large high school’s graduating class (she was at 13% with non-stop highly competitive soccer level 24/7) and the engineering school is the first to fill up. Very hard to get into. So, she opted to attend the same school her big sister attended and had a great experience while at the University of Oklahoma. OU is a Greek school, so Madison joined a sorority, something she would not typically do and decided to just try and reapply to A&M the next year.

She was doing well at OU, so well that a prof told her she didn’t make sense, as she was: Blonde, In a Sorority, Had Social skills and Charm – yet she rocked Physics like nobody’s business. I congratulated her but also cautiously advised her not to go to his office if he asks her to come over because he wants to “discuss a paper”. LOL!

As soon as she could, at the beginning of her Freshmen Spring semester, she applied to Texas A&M……………………………CRICKETS……………………….Not a word or letter for weeks………………………she made multiple phone calls and got lost in the maze of “call centers” over and over again………………..Not even a rejection letter…………………….. She was clearly heart broken, but resigned to stay at OU.

In mid August, we moved her into her Sorority House on a Saturday so she could work to get ready for Rush as all Sophomore sorority students are required to do (to help recruit freshman candidates for the new year). Now, we received not one negative word from her, her entire Freshman year at OU, but within 1 or 2 days of working Rush – I received several whiney phone calls from her at her sorority house:

“MOM! They are making me bounce and clap!!!!!!”

“MOM! They are making me smile all the time and practice engaging in conversation with strangers!!!!!”

and the ultimate desperation call:

“MOM!!!! THEY ARE MAKING ME DO CHEERS AND SING!!!!!!!!!!” Hahahaha!!

Needless to say, Madison is not “that girl” which isn’t surprising, she is more of a pragmatic person. Not one to giggle, gossip, preen and pose. My heart broke for her. I told her she could certainly quit, but she said she would get through that one week of Rush as best she could and try to get the back kitchen assignments that most girls would hate. 🙂

That Monday, I was doing bills and a “Texas A&M Engineering School” magazine came in for my husband Mark, a Petroleum Engineer. It broke my heart to see the magazine come in and brag about how great Texas A&M’s Engineering schools were – blah, blah, blah…. Whatever. 😦

I found the editor’s name of the Engineering magazine and while I was at it, the editor of alumni magazine, as well. I told them about the situation and ask that they take us off their mailing list until further notice because right now it just hurt to much to see it all… I did tell them about Madison’s situation in a straightforward, proactive way and basically said: “You have a rare ‘FEMALE’ Mechanical Engineering Major who has a high GPA, is already at a Junior level because of all her hard work and is already on the radar for an internship with a major coorporation yet NOT ONE WORD – NOT EVEN A REJECTION LETTER from you. It’s your loss, you clearly don’t deserve her.”

Within in 24 hours, Madison received a phone call from Texas A&M apologizing for the mix up and asking if would she mind attending Texas A&M after all. They even humbly talked to me and admitted that their was a disconnect on their side (at the time) to work in transfer students. A sign for any good person or organization I think, to admit when they make mistakes and work to improve.

So, we went back 3 days after moving her into OU and moved her out! The sorority sisters were all so sweet to her and even helped her move out. They were probably secretly glad that the “SORORITY GLEE BUZZ KILLER” was going away before Rush hit. Hahaha! I can’t help but get this image of Wednesday Addams from the Addam’s Farmily working Rush – which Madison is clearly not like, but you get my drift. Gotta laugh looking back on it all!

Ok Timeline – Review:

Sunday – Move in to OU – (5 hours round trip)

Monday/Tuesday early – Whiney Phone Calls regarding bouncing and cheering

Tuesday Afternoon – A&M calls Madison on her Cell Phone

Wednesday – Move out of OU – (5 hours round trip)

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Taken 7 days later on move-in day at Texas A&M

Thursday – Travel (3 1/3 hours one-way) to Texas A&M to: Meet with the registrars office —– Find an apartment that needed a roomate—– Get her a schedule worked out even though the classes were all full (they just worked her as best they could) —– Get her Books and supplies —– all in 1 to 2 days time Because school starts THE FOLLOWING MONDAY!!

The Next Weekend – 2 SUVS packed yet again to the max to re-boot the move-in (6 hours round trip)

What did I learn from this? Needless to say it was rather stressful, but it was a positive stressor. I was so happy for her that she was getting her dream. So thankful I wasn’t working a full-time job anymore and could help her navigate through it all as calmly as we could. Yes, this may all be last minute and messy, but it will all get done. It always does.

The registrars were so nice and apologetic on the phone with us that we brought them a “Calming Care Package” with soothing lotions, candles, etc. and acknowledged to them that we realize that they really have a lot on their plates. One of the ladies even offered to be Madison’s Mom Mentor at Texas A&M should she need any help or advice. 🙂

Taken during the great Let's Get This All Done Day!

Taken on the Hectic – Let’s go get this all done day!

Now her 5th year Senior year, the rest is history. Madison ’til this day says she is so glad I was a Momma Bear on this one and butted in.

And, I did email the editors. I thanked them for helping out even though that was not my intention and asked them to put us back on their mailing lists.

Two Easy Financial Tips to Help You and Your College Child Budget Day-to-Day Expenses

college moneyLooking back on that Freshman year in College of our two daughters, there are 2 things that I’m really glad we did:

1st – Get them a Personal Checking Account when they turn 16 and are still in High School:

College kids already have so much to transition into besides having to learn a crash course in money management. I witnessed this first hand with a sister struggling to learn how to budget her money in the first few months of college and the un-needed and added stress it brought on her and my parents. Also, I offer this as food for thought: Imagine the stress if you never knew what your paycheck was going or wasn’t going to be each month…. the added stress on what decision to make or not make not knowing what would or would not come in — Add onto that —- Stressful last-minute phone/email/text conversations asking for money — and you as a parent having to make an unexpected, surprise quick run to the bank or computer transfer…

We sat down with each of our daughters when they turned 16 during their Sophomore year of high school. We had a calm discussion about what they felt they spent on average throughout an entire year (holidays included) going out with friends to movies, gas, clothes, you name it. We’d come up with an amount and then we placed a set amount in their checking account on auto-pay on the 1st and 15th of each month. The amount was not generous, but it was adequate. During this time, we taught them how a debit card works, how to balance a checkbook, etc.

doc martenOur oldest daughter (now age 29) ended up buying a pair of Doc Martens with her very first allowance when she was 16 and found herself asking me for money to go to the movies the following weekend. Saying sorry and not giving her more money was hard to do, but it was important that she learn. Needless to say, she never did that again.

As time and grades would allow, the girls both started working a fun job that they liked to earn extra money. Over time, they became proud to say that they actually paid for Mom/Dad’s gift themselves or were able to buy a few more of those designer jeans or whatever because they contributed to the ability to do so and the satisfaction that comes with it.

2nd – Get them a Personal Savings Account at age 16 and in High School:

With our youngest daughter, we immediately also set up for her to transfer $25 from her own checking into her own regular savings account on the 1st and the 15th of each month via auto-transfer. It may not seem like much but, $650 a year add ups for anyone much less a teenage. We told her not to spend it as if you dip into savings too much, the bank will make you pay a penalty. She didn’t touch it until late in her Freshman year of college when she need a deposit ASAP for her new apartment that she was moving into and she needed use it to bridge until our transfer to her checking account came through. She did put the money back into the account after we reimbursed her.

The summer before her Freshman year, and subsequent summers after, she worked at the Buckle and would put extra money away in her savings. During the Holidays, Buckle would call her to ask if she could help out again and textover time, she just automatically, on her own would put money away for Spring Break fun, etc.

The Fall of her Sophomore year in College, she proudly told us not to worry about buying her college books and supplies anymore, as she was able to do that herself. She has paid for her books for all of her Sophomore, Junior, Senior and now Super Senior year.

This summer as a 5th year Senior she got a summer internship in her industry. She found herself earning $32 an hour in her full-time job, summer internship as a Mechanical Engineer. She was astounded at how much money she was bringing in on her own and approached us to just stop her allowance completely, as she had this easily on her own for the rest of the entire Sept. to May school year.

I’m not saying that they were perfect angels at money management, but I feel that doing this did help alleviate some of the stress of what we needed to put aside each month for them to handle the day to days of school and what they needed to work within as best they can…

Hope this helps.